It's been a year and a half since my video interview with Jeff Holiday.
I have spent most of that time destitute and without a lawyer, being ground down by the very system that is intended to help families and children in times of crisis and conflict. To make matters worse, I was defrauded and gouged by the first lawyer I hired, which did an incredible amount of damage to my cases.
I recently recorded an unfortunately-long two-part YouTube video in which I relate some of the things that have happened to me and my sons during that time. It is not a pleasant story in any way.
If you watch the YouTube videos linked above, please also take a moment to view some of the older ones on my channel. Memories of happier times, they clearly depict the kind of father I am, in direct contradiction of the vile, despicable lies provided to the judges by the counsel for the opposition.
In other news, we have discovered the nature and cause of the mysterious illness that nearly took my life.
I was in perfect health for all of my adult life prior to my marriage. Not only did I lack any of the medical factors that cause heart disease even after I got sick, the cause (and even the basic nature) of the condition that nearly cost me my life in 2015 and 2016 remained a mystery to all the doctors who treated me. They simply could not explain why I suffered the incapacitating, catastrophic illness that destroyed my health, or why it seemed to mostly go away on its own after my wife and I were physically separated.
Then my oldest son approached me in June of 2017 with information that he had been keeping to himself. It was this unexpected testimony that answered the questions my doctors had been unable to resolve.
He had witnessed my wife poisoning my drinks in the middle of the night over a period of several months. At the time, he did not know the significance of the actions he was witnessing, but when he told me what he had seen, it explained a great deal.
It's been long enough since I was poisoned that all traces of it have likely left my system. This apparently complicates the process by which my wife can be charged with the crime of attempted homicide, even though I have substantial medical records of an otherwise-inexplicable illness with classic poisoning symptoms, and an eyewitness to the administration of the poison.
I have been informed that only my hair samples dating from the period during which I was being poisoned can possibly provide the needed proof that the substance my son saw my wife pouring into my drink was in fact poison.
I happen to have hair samples from this period, but I do not have the means to pay for the required testing. The local police (East Pennsboro Township, PA) have told me that this testing is too expensive for them to pay for. They have, however, stated that if I have this testing done, and if the tests come back positive for poisoning, my wife can and will be charged with my attempted murder.
But as things stand, it looks as though she will be getting away with it. And as if that wasn't enough, I have been continuously harrassed by mail, text, email, and telephone by an individual acting on my wife's behalf, whose identity is known to me. I am taunted on a daily basis by the person who tried to murder me, who abused me physically and mentally when I was weak and vulnerable, and who took my children away from me, and from each other.
That's right: my children have been taken from me yet again due to my lack of funds for legal expenses. The local bar association's gatekeeper association, Mid Penn Legal Services, which also acts as the gatekeeper for every free form of legal services available in Dauphin county, PA, has refused to provide pro bono services, and the representative I spoke with on the phone each time I called has made it clear that even if they did, these services would not cover all my needs, and could ultimately do more harm than good.
It is a common tactic in Pennsylvania child-custody cases to make fraudulent reports of child abuse to youth protection services, because there are absolutely no negative consequences to the individuals making the false reports. In fact, the system is deliberately set up to protect them from consequences of any kind. The idea behind doing this is to make your fraudulent report relatively close to an upcoming hearing or conciliation meeting, so that the investigation will still be open when the hearing occurs. Then, you say to the judge, "This person can't be trusted because there is an open child abuse investigation of him!" And of course the judge sees that this is in fact the case, but since the investigation hasn't been closed yet, none of the findings are on record, and the judge makes decisions based on that.
It is a sleazy, disgusting misuse of child protective services and taxpayer money, but of course, none of that matters to the kinds of people who engage in these tactics...like my wife and her lawyer.
I could have actually done the same thing myself, but I didn't, for two reasons:
Lawmakers do not address the weaponization of child social services that occurs in Pennsylvania because they don't have to. Nobody holds them accountable for the suffering of parents and children that results from their negligence, and it is unlikely that anyone ever will; child custody law is an extremely profitable line of business, and fixing the system would remove those profits from the vested interests that benefit from them.
The child-custody system in Pennsylvania is deeply and tragically flawed. Its dependence on privately-funded attorneys in contested cases ensures that vast amounts of money are spent without any guarantee that justice is ever being served, or that the innocent children at the center of these actions will benefit in any way from the rulings of local judges who only see what the privately-paid attorneys want them to see.
And when one side cannot afford representation, or can only afford substandard representation, that side is bound to lose, regardless of the quality of their parenting.
But no matter which side wins, the children seem to lose every time. My sons are losing, badly. They have no say in any of this.
My children are my life. Without them, I am falling apart. I feel as if I am literally dying of sadness. Everything I do reminds me that my sons are gone, and that I will never get them back without the funds to hire a good law firm. I sit at home, alone, with the lights off. I barely eat. I sleep in short periods, until the nightmares wake me up. I can't even go to the grocery store without being reminded off our loss, because I have no children to cook for now.
I can't tell you what it feels like to want to die because you're looking at a box of your baby's favorite cookies. It's nothing that I could ever put into words.
And the suffering isn't just mine to bear. My older son was recently treated at a behavioral health facility for suicidal thoughts and depression that he expressly stated were because he cannot see me, or his little brother. He is only ten years old.
Below is a letter that my oldest son wrote to his younger brother. It will break your heart the way it broke mine. This letter is even more tragic when you consider that my wife has claimed in court, and also in a crazy ex-parte letter she sent to the judge, that Jasper is a danger to his little brother, and that he wants to "push in the soft spot on the baby's head", and will damage him if they are together.
I have hours of photos and videos that disprove this, but I am not allowed to display them online because my wife's lawyer got the judge to order that I remove all pictures and videos of the baby from all social media.
She wanted to remove the proof that her entire case is based on lies.
She is, in a nutshell, fighting for what is worst for my kids. In fact, she knows this, and is trying to suppress the evidence that shows it, because she, like her client, is a dangerous sociopath, and getting what she wants is the only thing that matters to her.
My wife would rather see my older son dead than let them have a relationship of any kind with his little brother, and my older son's mother would rather see him in a mental institution than share him with the father and brother that he loves.
These are the people I'm up against, this is what they are fighting for.
That is a letter written by a broken-hearted ten-year-old boy to the baby brother that he will probably never see again without your help. Please help me put our family back together. I can't do it by myself. I tried.